My Future...

Ahhh here we are again...welcome to DEAD WEEK! Ugh! Of course what am I doing? Procrastinating? Actually I'm getting into my writing zone. I have a final paper to write tonight and sometimes I need to get into my zone to powerhouse it out. I love to write, it's just a matter of getting my head into it.
But that's not what this post is about. It's moments like these where I'm so wore out from school that I sit back and think about what I'm really working for. I picture my life ahead of me and what I'm doing to make that possible. I think about my future career and how I can't wait to get started in it. I look up jobs through the State ads just to get an idea of what they are looking for and what I should be expecting/preparing for. I think about what my first interview will be like, whose lives I'm going to change, what kind of cases that I'm going to get that will change my life. The more I think about it the more motivated I get. It lights that fire inside me that sometimes dies down a little at the end of each term. So here I am again thinking out my life and the plan I have for myself, so I decided to lay it all out.

I am currently 19 years old working on my Bachelor's of Human Development and Family Studies. While I'm working on my first degree, I want to study abroad in a country working with poverty stricken communities and children. Somewhere like Ethiopia with the Adoption Advocates International. I'm going to graduate in the Spring of 2015 with my degree from Oregon State University.


Not my picture, borrowed!

Yes that is my face pasted on, but use your imagination with me folks!

After I graduate, I want to move to Boise, Idaho and attend Boise State University and earn my M.S.W.(Master's of Social Work) by the time I'm 25. By this time I would like to be considered bilingual in Spanish.

Woohoo! Go Broncos!

If I haven't already found a job within the career I want by the time I graduate, I would like to find one working possibly in DHS in Oregon or Idaho. Then I can wear real work clothes instead of my old nasty Papa Murphy's uniform! ;) But I should explain since I get this question ALL THE TIME. "Why do you want to do that job? It's so depressing." Yes there are some very difficult things that come with the territory, but in reality I want to change lives and change them for the better. But then one day I came across a quote that really hit me and I was like, "Yes that is exactly why!" and the quote read..."I can't help it. I love the broken ones, the ones who need the most patching up, the ones who've never been loved...and maybe I see a part of me in them, the missing piece, always trying to fit in, the shattered heart hungry for a home." Now first of all I want to say that my childhood was by no means bad or awful, especially compared to the people I will be working with, but coming from a poverty stricken family we definitely experienced things that a lot of people will never understand, I had to grow up quickly, but I do not resent or regret one bit of it. I want these children and families to do the best for not only themselves, but each other and the community. I feel like I will be able to truly relate to the people I will work with, I won't be that case worker they look at and say this girl doesn't even know what it's like, she doesn't know our struggles and here she is trying to change us. No, I do know what it is like to an extent and I want to help you and give you the hope that I had stored into me. Everything is possible and sometimes all people need is that helping hand.

 Some of my personal fav's! Credit goes to: http://hello-gorgeous-blog.blogspot.hu/p/threads.html
Check it out she has fabulous ideas!!

My first real debt when I get out of school will be buying myself a new car!

 

I haven't planned much past that. I mean of course I eventually want to get married and have kids, but I have so much more that I want to do first. All in all though, I want to change lives. I want to be an inspiration to everyone I come in contact with.
Another thing I am determined to do throughout my life is to give back to the Ford Family Foundation. I owe them so much, especially after what they have been doing for me lately.

I don't know where my life is going to take me, but I am determined that my future will be a bright one and no one can take that from me.

Good luck on finals, fellow readers! :)

This Wicked World...

It's been far too long since I posted on here. This term is going great. Not working was the best decision as far as my schooling goes. I have been able to apply myself and actually enjoy it rather than dread it.
But tonight I lay here awake with my mind racing. My past has done a good job of catching up with me tonight. It's haunting me with a fear that I wasn't even fully aware that I had. We all have a story to tell, but you guys don't need to hear mine. All you need to know is that my past made me who I am and for that I am extremely proud. It has molded me and motivated me.
And now here I am in Albany working on my higher education, really truly finding myself...finally. What I don't understand is how I have all these wonderful things going for me and all these amazing supporters and I am truly happy...but at the same time so sad. Don't get me wrong, I'm by no means depressed or anything, but I have never felt so alone. I guess I expected more of the fun, social college experience when I moved down here...when in reality I spend almost all my time alone. It's on nights like these though, that I let my past remind me what I'm working for and then I push it out of my mind because the past is the past for a reason, I don't live there anymore.
On a more positive note, I'm heading home Friday for a much needed three day weekend and it's also my pops 70th birthday! Woohoo! :)

Reflecting on 2012

Well here we are, already 2013. Seems like 2012 was just yesterday! ;) For a lot of people it is popular to make New Years resolutions, where I on the other hand like to reflect on the passing year and jump into the new one strong!
2012 was a year full of many ups and downs and lessons. It was actually a year ago today that a drunken phone call put me on the right path for what I want to do in life. I cannot thank that person enough, he has changed my life more than he knows. This year came with a lot of tests with friendships. I lost friends, I gained friends. I learned how to forgive and forget to an extent. March was a month that tested me with my moral values and friendships. April brought good memories of Easter weekend in Tacoma and of course my birthday. June brought me one of my most valued memories, that I probably shouldn't hang onto as much as I do. July tested my home life, but also gave me memories of a good trip to Corvallis with my grandpa and a wonderful Ford Family conference! August is the month that I really started living. Moving away from my home and living on my own in a town where I didn't know anyone. September I got to see Jake Owen in concert, I shot a gun for the first time, I got the guts to have a much needed deep conversation with my dad, I started school at Linn Benton. October I carved pumpkins for the first time in a long time and had my first college Halloween experience. November brought me a lot of happy memories with family and friends. I got to meet the newest member of our family, Jace Anthony Collins. December did a great job of hitting me in the back of the knees and kicking dirt in my face all at once, but I managed to hold strong and the year came out better than expected. I went to my first Blazers game and got to caught up with one of my cousins. In 2012 my car saw a lot of back road miles, I got a taste of what it is like to be loved, and I found myself. Looking back on this year and where I am now, I can say I am content, actually happy with where I am at, where I am going, and who I am. 
So what does 2013 hold for me? To be honest I don't know for sure. I'm hoping a great rest of the school year, meeting new people, strengthing of the relationships I already have, and a great beginning of the next school year. Some things I hope it doesn't hold for me would be less god-awful dates(just throw me a nice, normal guy would ya?), less saddness and more happiness.
Have a wonderful New Year readers and remember each day you wake up is one to be thankful for. Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.

Acts of Kindness

Life has been throwing hurdles at me left and right it seems lately, putting me in a bit of a slump. For weeks, I have been trying my best to pull out of it. So I tried to start doing things that I knew always made me happy. I've been reading and writing, I drove down to visit the Ford Family Foundation, but then this morning as I was laying there in bed I had an idea. People often forget that kindness is free. Something that has always brightened my day was brightening other peoples day. So today I went out into Albany and decided to do five random acts of kindness.

My first act of kindness was leaving encouraging notes on strangers cars where ever I went. Each note was different accept for one thing, on each one I reminded them to take a deep breath, slow down, and realize that today is a great day to be alive. Not only was I reminding these strangers, I took it to heart myself. As I strolled through the Walmart parking lot, I slowed down and took in everything around me. I watched as a father ran through the parking lot with his little daughter in his arms saying, "Oh no! Hold on! We are going SO fast!!" then spinning her around up in the air. I listened to her giggles ring through the cold, crisp air. There is no happier sound than that of a child's laughter.

In my second act of kindness, I decided to leave a couple of sweet treats in my mailbox for the post office carrier. Attached to them was a note thanking them for all that they do and wishing them happy holidays and a wonderful rest of their day. For anyone who has been in a post office during the holidays, we all know they are not so enthusiastic about their jobs(understandable).

In my third act of kindness, I sat down and hand wrote a letter to someone who has positively influenced my life. I wrote to them thanking them for all they have done for me without even knowing it and expressed my sincerest gratitude towards them. I dropped it in the mail and hopefully they will be receiving it here within the next couple of days! :)

My fourth act of kindness kind of hits home. For those of you who don't know, I come from a single parent home. My mom is my hero and is one of the strongest, kind hearted women I have ever met. My next door neighbor also happens to be a single mother of two cute little kids. I've only formally met her once and it was because her washer malfunctioned and flooded both of our apartments. So I decided to go to the dollar store and pick up some coloring books, crayons, and stickers for the kids, then I picked up some chew bones for her lab, who loves to come greet me when her door is open, and then I gave her up to $40 worth of savings through Papa Murphy's, since I have seen her in the store a time or two. I wrote a note telling her that she is doing a fantastic job and to enjoy her holidays with her kids, signing it simply "A Neighbor". I placed it all in a gift bag and set it in front of her door, knocked and ran away and hid.

Last but certainly not least, my fifth act of kindness I actually did last night while I was at work. We were in the middle of a rush and I was on the till, when an older woman hobbled up to me. She had called in an order of several pizzas. There was a line of people trailing far behind her. I asked her, "Would you like some help out tonight?" She glanced at the line of my other customers behind her and turned to me and said, "Oh no that's ok I think I could probably manage." "Are you sure?" I asked her, "I really don't mind at all."
Normally I would ask one of my other co-workers to help her out so I could keep the line moving on the till, but instead I requested another worker to take my till over so I could walk her out. I turned back to her and said, "Come on, I'll help you out." I walked along with her at her slow pace. She was in visible pain, hunched over and limping. As we walked out she was telling me that she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. For those of you unfamiliar with the disease, it affects the flexibility of the joints, eventually causes cartilage to deteriorate and can move to the organs such as the lungs and the heart causing a lot of pain and very limited mobility over time. She continued to tell me that her pizzas were for her daughters birthday today and that was all her daughter wanted. She pointed to the woman sitting in her passenger seat who you could visibly tell was mentally disabled, "That's her there" she said. She held onto her car as she made her way to open the trunk. I set the pizzas in her trunk and walked her over to the drivers side. As she opened the door I wished her daughter a happy birthday and she gave me the biggest smile and waved to me. I told them to enjoy their pizzas and to have a wonderful night. With that they were off and I was walking back in the chaos of my job, but with a different outlook. Slowing down and appreciating each person giving them nothing but positivity, even the man who decided to sing to me about how much he hates Christmas.


We are all facing the same hell in this life, just different devils. Today I was reminded of the happiness and satisfaction I get out of helping people and brightening some one else's day, even if I can't brighten my own. I have now retired to my old recliner in my warm apartment, thinking of how grateful I am for everything I have and that I was blessed enough to wake up this morning and get another chance at another day. Even though I still have my struggles, for the day I pushed them aside and put someone elses before mine. My struggles will be dealt with in time and everything that is meant to be will work out.
Happy Holidays everyone...Don't forget to pay it forward.

Thank God for Hometowns...

Well it's Monday and back to the grind, unfortunately. I got back last night from a much needed trip back home.

I left Albany at about 12:45 or so and hit the road, Eastern Oregon bound. I rolled into McNary to visit my Grandpa at about 5:45 or so. It was so wonderful to see him! We sat and visited for a few hours. He can make me laugh so hard. He noticed my iPhone and said, "Wow that's a pretty nifty device you got there. Can I take a look?" So I said sure why not. It was sitting on his hard counter top when I slid it over to him and he took his finger and delicately touched the screen. Well coincidentally my mom called at the same time he touched it, so it started vibrating and blasting country music(keep in mind it's still on the counter so the vibrating is very loud). He jumped so far, jerked his hand back and knocked over his keys and other nick knacks he had on the counter behind him. "Well God Damn! I think my granddaughter is the only person who has a phone that sounds like a rattlesnake!" he exclaimed while clutching his chest, "I thought that was going to be the big one!" Hahaha oh Grandpa!

At about 8 I hit the road to Pendleton. There is nothing more beautiful than coming off Rieth ridge at night to see Pendleton all lit up. I'm not gonna lie, I shed a tear or two of relief and excitement coming into town.

 

I took the first exit so I could take a quick detour through town, then I got home, ran in the door and hugged my brother and my mom. It was such a marvelous feeling to be home after 2 1/2 months.

Wednesday I got up and ready and went to visit everyone. I first stopped by my grandma's and visited with her briefly, then I made my way out to my grandparents house and visited with them for a while. Then I met up with Chey and we had lunch and I got to check out her new place in town. Then I drove out to Pilot Rock and surprised Shelby. I hung out with her for a while and then headed back into town to 76 to see Caden, while I waited on Cammeron. Cammeron and I then drove around for a little bit after seeing Tyler and Brad. Then I went up to Shari's with Tyson and Hannah and got to catch up with them. After that I met Zack, Shelby, and Katelynn at Wildhorse and we watched Breaking Dawn Part 2. By that time it was midnight, I was beat and I headed straight home and crashed.

Thursday we headed over the mountain to go have Thanksgiving with my Uncle and his family. My cousin recently had a baby so we got to see him for the first time and he is such a doll! We spent most our afternoon out there and then headed back to Pendleton. I then went out to my grandparents house to see all my family there. All of my grandma's brothers and their wives were there, all my aunts, uncles, and cousins showed up, and then my dad as well. It was so great seeing everyone and catching up.

Then I headed up to Caden's house to see his puppies. Such cute puppies! I want one SO bad, it's not even funny. Then we decided to go for a drive. I took him to all the back roads and places that I have found and he showed me some of his. We saw a ton of deer. Then out of nowhere, Caden, being a brave soul, decided to ask me if I wanted to try and drive his truck. Um hell yes of course I want to drive the truck. But people please keep in mind it is a Dodge Cummins, 6 speed. I was only taught how to drive a stick once when I was sixteen or so and it was a Jetta. All I have to say is thank god Caden is patient because oh my heck I was so bad at it! Hahaha SO BAD.I killed it at least 2 or 3 times hahaha, but I did kind of feel like a badass, would've felt even more badass if I actually knew what I was doing(especially enough to actually go over 15 or 20mph ;) ). I was also still in my dress and flats from earlier, so I had to hike up my dress and move the seat so far forward and my legs were still stretching. I even have a battle wound from my shin hitting the dash to reach and push the clutch in all the way. It was short lived, but so fun. Like I said thank god for Caden's patience.

 

 

Friday, my mom and I went to lunch at Great Pacific and then went to see Breaking Dawn(third time for me, first for her). It was so much fun being able to spend time with her. We went home and then later that night I went out to Shelby's for a little bit.

Saturday I went out to my grandparents house and spent some time with them. Then Kas and I convinced Det to go for a drive with us. So we picked up Rayne and I took them out to this haunted house that Caden had showed me Thursday night and I took them to a few other places. But it was fun, we got lectured by Det on boys, which is always funny. Beavers got their ass kicked in the civil war, unfortunately, but not surprising. Then I went back home and spent most the night with my mom.

Sunday morning my mom, grandma and I went out to breakfast at Roosters(Our fav!) and my grandma started telling us that she tried learning the Gangnam Style dance on Ellen the other day, I was laughing so hard picturing my 75 year old grandmother doing the Gangnam Style dance in her living room. Then we got back home, I loaded up my stuff and said goodbye to my mom. Then I took my brother out to get his girlfriend and while we were out in Mission a horse on the loose ran out in front of my car. We then took one last drive through town, yelled at some people. I dropped him off, said our goodbyes. I then went and said goodbye to my grandparents. I went up to D&B before I left to say goodbye to Shelby and while I was in there I got the best magnet EVER!

 

 

All in all it was a great trip and I was sad to leave as always, but only 1 more month and I will be back for Christmas break and it will be a blast!! I miss everybody terribly already. But now it's time to get ready for finals week, dun dun dunnnnnnn ;)



22 Days of Thankfulness...

During the month of November people on Facebook find it necessary to update their status everyday on what they are thankful for leading up to Thanksgiving, so instead of bombarding your news feed with my thankfulness, I'll write about it. There is a lot in this life to be thankful for. People more often than not take this life they were given for granted.

So here it goes: My 22 days of thankfulness...

Day 1: I am thankful for my mother, my hero. She is the most kind-hearted, strong woman I will ever meet and I can only hope that I turn out to be half the woman she is.

Day 2: I am thankful for my brother. Since I moved I've watched our relationship blossom and it makes you realize the true love you have for siblings.

Day 3: I am thankful that I am healthy and free of disease or sickness.

Day 4: I am thankful that I am alive, that I got the opportunity to wake up this morning and another chance to improve myself.

Day 5: I am thankful for the Ford Family Foundation, without them I would still be living in Pendleton, working 40 hours a week to pay for BMCC. They have given me the opportunity to take my dreams and run with them.

Day 6: I am thankful for my cousins and the sibling-like bond we have always shared, no matter where life has taken us.

Day 7: I am thankful for my dad. Only few girls get to learn the lessons a man like him teaches and I am lucky enough to be one of those.

Day 8: I am thankful for one of my best friends, Shelby. She has taught me so much and helped me find myself more than she knows.

Day 9: I am thankful for Hannah, Katie, and Jordan. They made high school one of my best memories and everything we have went through and done together has molded me into a better person. They will always have a spot in my heart.

Day 10: I am thankful for all of my grandparents and their constant love and support.

Day 11: I am thankful for all of my aunts and uncles and the humor that they possessed me with.

Day 12: I am thankful for the positive outlook on life that I hold close with me.

Day 13: I am thankful for my Tyson. I love him with all my heart and you can never frown with him.

Day 14: I am thankful for the job that I have been able to work hard for the past three years.

Day 15: I am thankful for the roof over my head and the food in my fridge.

Day 16: I am thankful that I live in a country where I am free.

Day 17: I am thankful for my education.

Day 18: I am thankful for all the friends I have made along the way. You have all taught me something new and helped me grow in some way.

Day 19: I am thankful for the clothes on my back and the money in my bank account.

Day 20: I am thankful for Tricia and her family. Rest in peace my friend.

Day 21: I am thankful for my hearing and sight, so I can embrace the beauty of music and the stunning places of this world, such as back roads, the beach and the mountains.

Day 22: I am thankful for the person I am today and for every situation, person, place, or thing that has molded me into the person I am.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! :)

Woman highs...

Everyone experiences natural highs every now and again. I've had quite a few of them lately, but I didn't really notice how gender specific they were until I started really thinking about them. So here are a few of what I call "Woman Highs" that a guy will just never understand...

1.) Freshly painted nails, this is especially true if you can't wear nail polish at work or you are a recovered nail biter!

2.) Freshly waxed eyebrows! Slight pain is so worth it!

3.) The feeling of freshly shaved legs on sheets, clean warm sheets make it even better!

4.) Just cut hair!

5.) New clothes! And yes we have to re-try them on as soon as we get home too!

6.) New make up looks

7.) Weight loss, such an amazing high

8.) A great night out with a guy, you will have a smile the rest of the night, maybe the next day too!

9.) A freshly cleaned kitchen

10.) Successfully cooking/baking a bad ass recipe

11.) Matching bra and underwear, yes we will stand in front of a mirror and admire our matching undergarments

11.) Warmth of a tanning bed

12.) Bear hugs from our favorite men

13.) The scenes in romance movies that just make our hearts melt

14.) Taking your bra off at the end of the day

15.) Pedicures

16.) Hearing the perfect song when you are feeling ultra sexy and you just can't help but dance and strut

 

 

 

On a different note, tomorrow I will be home!!!! Yay!! I'm so unbelievably excited!!! I've been doing laundry and packing all night. It's funny I'm only going to be home for about 5 days, but I swear I'm packing for a month. You just never know what you are going to need! I can't wait to see all my friends and family!