"Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become."

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The Connection Between a Daughter and Her Father

Friday morning I was frantically packing a huge load of frames and clothing from my apartment to take back to Pendleton with me that afternoon when my phone rang. First it was my dad, but he hung up too fast for me to answer. Then he called again, but it wasn't his voice I heard on the other line, it was his ex girlfriend's. She began to tell me that my dad was in the OHSU Neurology Science Intensive Care Unit. She explained to me how he called her that night complaining of severe head pain, worse than a migraine, that dropped him to his knees. After being taken to the ER at a different hospital, a CT scan revealed blood on his brain and the base of his neck. Her explanation was scattered, but as I paced my apartment I kept my composure while listening. I told her I was on my way immediately. The last four days have been stressful and eye opening. My dad has/had a bleed in his brain(we won't know if it's gone until his second angiogram tomorrow). We were initially told that they believed it was an aneurism bleeding out, but after an angiogram and a MRI coming back negative, they have yet to find a source. The doctor tells us that is a good sign, but at the same time we would all be a little more at ease to know why my dad's brain is malfunctioning I guess you could say.
Now as I lay here up in his bed and I reminiscence of the past 20+ years of memories between my dad and I. It's been a close, yet bumpy relationship all at the same time perhaps you could say. Since the day I came into this world I've had him wrapped around his finger, I've always been his "best girl" as he would put it. When I was little and my parents were still married, I would get up at the crack of dawn with my dad before he left for work and I can remember sitting on the kitchen counter looking out the window watching the sunrise with him while sharing a protein shake that he religiously made every morning. I also remember going up to the RAC with him and after his workout we would go to the pool and he would pull me around in my little dog floaty in the pool. When I was about five I had a hernia surgery and he drove all the way from Eugene and would pull me around the hospital hallways in a little red wagon. I was devastated when they wouldn't let him carry me into the operating room, all I wanted was my daddy.
Coming from a divorced family isn't just black and white, scheduled visits, everyone sees everyone, everyone is happy. It just doesn't work that way. But over the years, you adjust and even though I still envied all the other little girls who got to go to the father daughter dances with their dad or got to have him at every event whether it be school awards or sports events, one thing I never doubted was that my dad loved me more than anything and would bend over backwards for me.
So now here I was 20 years old crying it all out on my drive up to the hospital to make sure I had it all out and composed before I saw him. After watching him writhe in pain and sit in the waiting room as the doctors play operation in his brain, I felt that little girl again who needed her daddy. I've always loved my dad, but as I have gotten older I have found myself running for that independence as he clung onto the little girl I once was. We have a long recovery road ahead of us, but I am happy to be here taking care of him and spending the time with him. Don't ever take the time we have on Earth for granted, whether it be your own or someone else's.

Thank you to all who have prayed and kept us in your positive thoughts, my family greatly appreciates it and God is definitely watching over my dad.

I love you Dad.
Your Best Girl