The past couple of days I have been feeling homesick. Not miserable homesick, but I am definitely missing not only my family and friends, but just Pendleton in general. You don't really realize how much you love Pendleton until you leave. The simplicity of the town, the miles and miles of back roads. It will always be where my heart is. I thought that maybe when I left I would be able to say, "Wow there is so much more that is better than Pendleton out there!" and there is...to a point. Sometimes, especially on days like today I wonder if I should've stayed and finished at BMCC. Which the answer is always no, absolutely not. I can honestly say I haven't been as happy as I am in a long time. But it doesn't have to do with where I am located. The fact that I am on my own and taking care of myself, finding myself, is what is making me as happy as I am. Leaving Pendleton has helped me step out of the shadows of my family members and friends. It has allowed me to be able to come back to town and say "Hey, this is what I am doing with my life and the opportunities that have presented themselves to me after my hard work and perseverance." And that alone, makes me prouder than anything. I don't know if my life will lead me back to Pendleton and if it may then good, but it will be after I am done with everything I want to accomplish with my life and when I am ready to settle down. When I think about what I still want to do with my life before I get married or have kids, it gets me excited.
1.) Graduate with my Master's in Social Work
2.) Study Abroad
3.) Fall in Love
4.) Get married after the age of 25
5.) Build a house out in the country
6.) Have a stable job before I get married
7.) Buy myself a car after I graduate
8.) Be married for at least 2 years before having kids
9.) Do everything I can possibly do before being strapped down with kids.
I believe that you have all your life to be with your spouse, so there shouldn't be any reason to rush into marriage or having kids. I want to live and see the world. I want to accomplish anything and everything that I possibly can before I want to be responsible for someone else. I'm not going to lie though, it gets lonely sometimes. As focused as I am on myself right now, sometimes I would really like to focus on someone else. Have someone to go do things with or just to make happy. The idea of falling in love is great, but sometimes I wonder if I will ever experience it? My hope is yes, but I'm not holding my breath. I would love to be able to let someone into my world, take them out on the back roads to my get away places, sneak into the country club at night and go swimming. Someone to be myself around and to know that's why they love me. The security and warmth. It's an absolutely marvelous thing that I wish I could say that I have ever experienced, but unfortunately I haven't. For the time being I'm just up for having fun, being young, and enjoying myself.